I'm not feeling much like smiling. Had a great weekend, away for a night with the hub...baby with Nana. So I should feel like smiling, but...It was raining when I woke up this morning. Now it's pretty, but I've been inside all day. Inside, stuck inside working. Two friends had fun birthday weekends, but I couldn't celebrate with either of them. Stuck in FL, here in FL for 10 more months. Missed my workout class twice last week. It was making me feel so good, that has made me feel guilty, yucky guilt and fat rolls.
BUT, Josh has gone to pick up Noofus (the nick' of the nickname "Goofus Noofus", it sooo fits him)...and that makes me smile. I'm smiling just waiting to see his smile, his big big Noofy smile.
I think I'll smile all night. Yep, made my mind up, just gonna do it. He deserves it (plus he 'causes it).
YAY! They're here! Mommy's coming to squeeze you!
(Thank goodness for him.)
Monday, September 21, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Cellophane, Mrs. Cellophane
“…Should have been my name, Mrs. Cellophane. ‘Cause you can look right through me, walk right by me and never know I’m there…” Did you catch it? That was a Chicago reference (and I might be off a little on the exact wording of the lyrics, I know, get surprised because I pride myself in knowing the RIGHT lyrics).
Well, lately this is how I feel. For a while I’ve felt “uninteresting” at best. I mean, I don’t have good work stories…heck, most people don’t even understand what I do. But at least when I was “at home” I had friends who I could hang with and feel like me and be me…even if “me” isn’t as fun as I used to be.
It’s just seemed worse since we’ve been in Florida. I’ve become even more invisible. I mean, I still communicate with people at work. They don’t seem to have forgotten about me. But my LIFE is not work. I do NOT want my LIFE to be work. So it’s hard, being here, alone, to have a “life” that’s mine. Every time I hear from my parents it’s “How’s my grandson” or “How’s school going for Josh”. It’s like I don’t exist. I’m sure no one even knows what to ask about me…and that’s fine…except, I’m still here. Living, breathing, working hard, taking care of my family, cooking every night, making lists of “to-do’s”, making sure of this and that, doing the budget, planning, thinking, dreaming…still here, didn’t vanish.
I really don’t want to make this a long pity party or anything or toot my own horn-BUT COME ON! Does no one (except Josh, he says he realizes) realize this is the HARDEST ON ME?! All the grandparents are sad about is that they can’t see their grandson whenever they want (thank God, I actually am enjoying having my family to myself). All my friends miss me…but they have other friends and coworkers they see. I’M HERE ALL BY MYSELF. Josh at least has one friend he came here with and he’s in school and meeting people everyday. I carried and birthed the baby…I moved away from my friends and family to sit at home and work by myself (which I’m grateful for, don’t get me wrong)…but NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE ABOUT ME. Now, I’m using a lot of “no one” and “everyone” and all that…my friends to tell me that they miss me and I know they understand it must be hard. But you can’t know it until you’re doing it what you really will end up feeling like.
I could say more…and I would…but well, I’m in a better place today and don’t really feel like dredging it back up. All this to say…mommy’s are pretty awesome people. You shouldn’t forget us just because are kids or husbands seem more interesting…makes me feel uninteresting, unintelligent and dull. I used to be fun. At least I thought I was. (That being said, there’s nothing more fun than talking about my baby. I sound mixed up don’t I? Ah well, one of these days, maybe I’ll be interesting in and of myself again.)
Well, lately this is how I feel. For a while I’ve felt “uninteresting” at best. I mean, I don’t have good work stories…heck, most people don’t even understand what I do. But at least when I was “at home” I had friends who I could hang with and feel like me and be me…even if “me” isn’t as fun as I used to be.
It’s just seemed worse since we’ve been in Florida. I’ve become even more invisible. I mean, I still communicate with people at work. They don’t seem to have forgotten about me. But my LIFE is not work. I do NOT want my LIFE to be work. So it’s hard, being here, alone, to have a “life” that’s mine. Every time I hear from my parents it’s “How’s my grandson” or “How’s school going for Josh”. It’s like I don’t exist. I’m sure no one even knows what to ask about me…and that’s fine…except, I’m still here. Living, breathing, working hard, taking care of my family, cooking every night, making lists of “to-do’s”, making sure of this and that, doing the budget, planning, thinking, dreaming…still here, didn’t vanish.
I really don’t want to make this a long pity party or anything or toot my own horn-BUT COME ON! Does no one (except Josh, he says he realizes) realize this is the HARDEST ON ME?! All the grandparents are sad about is that they can’t see their grandson whenever they want (thank God, I actually am enjoying having my family to myself). All my friends miss me…but they have other friends and coworkers they see. I’M HERE ALL BY MYSELF. Josh at least has one friend he came here with and he’s in school and meeting people everyday. I carried and birthed the baby…I moved away from my friends and family to sit at home and work by myself (which I’m grateful for, don’t get me wrong)…but NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE ABOUT ME. Now, I’m using a lot of “no one” and “everyone” and all that…my friends to tell me that they miss me and I know they understand it must be hard. But you can’t know it until you’re doing it what you really will end up feeling like.
I could say more…and I would…but well, I’m in a better place today and don’t really feel like dredging it back up. All this to say…mommy’s are pretty awesome people. You shouldn’t forget us just because are kids or husbands seem more interesting…makes me feel uninteresting, unintelligent and dull. I used to be fun. At least I thought I was. (That being said, there’s nothing more fun than talking about my baby. I sound mixed up don’t I? Ah well, one of these days, maybe I’ll be interesting in and of myself again.)
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Duped!
In attempt to make some friends (I use that loosely as I already have real, true, actual and the best friends ever) here in sunny FL I have been talking more with the mommies I see at daycare, keeping an eye peeled for peeps with wee ones in our complex, and I even joined a local mommy group online.
I got so excited the other day when I was out letting Charly pee. Josh was out of town so I had the door open so I could see Connor playing on the floor inside. When I spied this female; I couldn’t tell if she was young or older or old…so I hesitate using “lady” or “woman” or “girl”. And since we’re on the subject, why is there no name for people my age. To me a “lady” is grandma’s age, a “woman” is my mom’s age and a “girl” can be anything that’s college age or younger…WHAT ABOUT ME? MissIminmy30’s. Do you have any good names for my generation?
Wow, off topic much?
Back to the point. I spied this person pushing a stroller down the sidewalk. The inner monologue went something like this:
Oh cool, another mommy! I wonder how old her baby is. Oh I hope she doesn’t turn the corner before she gets down here. I hope Charly doesn’t bark at her. What will I say? “Hi, how old is your baby? Mine is almost 9 months, he’s right inside, see him? Oh how cute he/she is…what’s his/her name? I’m Brianne, we just moved here from NC. Are you from FL?” Crap, she’s turning the corner. ::BARK BARK:: That wasn’t Charly barking…dang, that stroller has a dog in it. I don’t think we’ll be friends…
I got so excited the other day when I was out letting Charly pee. Josh was out of town so I had the door open so I could see Connor playing on the floor inside. When I spied this female; I couldn’t tell if she was young or older or old…so I hesitate using “lady” or “woman” or “girl”. And since we’re on the subject, why is there no name for people my age. To me a “lady” is grandma’s age, a “woman” is my mom’s age and a “girl” can be anything that’s college age or younger…WHAT ABOUT ME? MissIminmy30’s. Do you have any good names for my generation?
Wow, off topic much?
Back to the point. I spied this person pushing a stroller down the sidewalk. The inner monologue went something like this:
Oh cool, another mommy! I wonder how old her baby is. Oh I hope she doesn’t turn the corner before she gets down here. I hope Charly doesn’t bark at her. What will I say? “Hi, how old is your baby? Mine is almost 9 months, he’s right inside, see him? Oh how cute he/she is…what’s his/her name? I’m Brianne, we just moved here from NC. Are you from FL?” Crap, she’s turning the corner. ::BARK BARK:: That wasn’t Charly barking…dang, that stroller has a dog in it. I don’t think we’ll be friends…
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