Just a place where I can rant if I need to. Praise if I can. List my hopes and dreams if I have any. Be silly if I decide to. And if you don't like it...YOU CAN "KISS MY GRITS"!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

A Grain of Rice

So...I wasn't going to blog about this for a while...but, partially because I am beside myself with worry and a little afraid to be excited, I'm going to tell you.
Now, if you are a reader of Stationary's blog...then you'll know her pee test story. Mine is pretty much identical. Here's the reader's digest version:
Day 28 of cycle, still no spotting (yes, maybe TMI), usually there is spotting for days and then I start somewhere between day 28 and 31.
Sore boobies. And, I just had a feeling, but I wasn't getting my hopes up.
5:30 am, had to pee...test was very faint, but he and I both saw the line. Freaky, and I was still afraid to be excited. Called the doctor and the doctor said, no more monkeys jumping on the bed...wait, that was a different story...the doctor actually said "we don't do pregnancy tests". WHAT THE FREAK? FOR REALS?? YOU WON'T CONFIRM MY CRAZINESS, THAT IS INSANE YOU OB/GYN PEOPLE! So J convinced me to just go to the clinic at work. I called "Do you do pregnancy tests?" they said yes and that I could come right then...RUNNING AT FULL SPEED DOWN THE STAIRS B/C THE ELEVATOR WOULD BE WAAY TO SLOOOOOOOW, I made my way into the clinic. I was handed a little baggie (thank you God, it was opaque) with a pee cup in it. The nurse instructed me that the genuises that built the clinic (a man no less) didn't put a potty in it, so I'd have to go across the hall...pee in said cup...bring it back...and take my time (take my time my ass, I was peeing in that thing ASAP). DANG IT...people, in the bathroom (b/c of course there is no onesie! I just knew that the women in there could tell I was peeing in a cup for a pregnancy test...I peed and put the cup back in the bag and darted back across the hall (y'all...I'm not afraid to tell you, I didn't wash my hands, no time for that, plus then someone might see my cup-I washed later thankyouverymuch). Again, with the faint line...SHEEESH. Ok granted I really don't usually start 'til day 30 or so, so I don't know what I expected. From what I understand most people don't get an early response. Nurse: "We can do a blood draw to get HCG levels, but I would take this as a positive". Now, I'm not fan of blood drawing, but I was up on that table bare armed in point 5 seconds! She put "STAT" on my bloodwork, and honestly I hope that's the last time me or my baby needs something STAT unless it's ColdStone cake batter ice cream with a brownie mixed in. I sat very nervously until 12:45 when the results were in....the envelope please. YES! Although it said "weakly positive" and that I was about 1 week post implantation...supposedly the "weakly positive" was b/c it's so early but, it's been adding to my fears recently.
So here goes...make me feel better.
I haven't had "pain" per se, but I have had a feeling on my lower left side. A feeling that has me fearing ectopic pregnancy. I'm trying to tell myself that it's just the left ovary that released the egg and the one with the cyst that develops in the beginning...but I still fear a problem.
I haven't had any bleeding and again no "pain". The best I can describe it is it feels like there is something sitting there on the lower left part of my abdomen, where I imagine my left ovary and fallopian tube is. It's not constant and it's not tender to the touch nor can I feel anything different on the outside.
I'm just freaking myself out. Of course the tiny, miniscule (sp?) amount of brown tinge on the tp yesterday morning was freaky to (ok it was day 30 and I did read that that is normal and even had a friend confirm it happened to her and it's fine, but I still fear it everytime I go potty).
I read cramping was normal, I wouldn't say I've had that...Again, I'm just afraid to be fully into this and happy, which sucks because I've been wanting this, and do want it. However that makes it more scary I think.
Anyway, J came home with a baby Tigger rattle toy...softest thing I've touched EVER! My mom has already given me a blanket, mawmaw gave me a blanket and my aunt gave me 2 books. Sheesh people I just found out.
So if you have any words of wisdom, I'll listen, but I'll probably continue to freak until the heartbeat appointment. I have promised myself and J that I'll stop looking up stuff online b/c one minute it'll make me feel better, then the next, it's freaking my freak.
So, maybe I'll just freak on here rather than looking stuff up.
Well...here's to hoping this is just the beginning of my dream coming true (dang, hormones are really kicking my butt b/c I am crying at my own sentence!!)
OH, and "A Grain of Rice" refers to what J is affectionately calling the baby right now. The baby, wow, weird, surreal.


*marissa* said...

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!! i'll be praying for a safe pregnancy for you! be sure to join www.trianglemommies.com to get even more support! yay!!!!

Beckers said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beckers said...

Congratulations, darlin'! I could say, "Try not to worry," but I know that's pointless—I'd be freaking out, too! But part of being a good Mom is worrying about your child's well-being, so…you're off to a fabulous start. :) Much love to you and Josh!

Buford Betty said...


CindyLooHoo said...

You know I/we will be praying for you and your little grain! Just remember there is way too much on the internet to bog you down- YOU are the best expert on your body. Love you momma!