Just a place where I can rant if I need to. Praise if I can. List my hopes and dreams if I have any. Be silly if I decide to. And if you don't like it...YOU CAN "KISS MY GRITS"!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


Ok, so Stacy said I had to post a "happy" blog. Let me say, I am happy...it's just hard for me to feel like it's real. Yes, I spend hours looking up nursery stuff and strollers, etc etc. But, the enthusiasm doesn't always show and I know this. I think next Friday will make things feel more real. I do go into the guest bedroom where Tigger (daddy's first gift to baby) and blankie (grandma's first gift to baby) have been placed. And I day dream about going in there in the middle of the night to feed and rock him/her. I think about how it'll smell in there and how soft and sweet he/she will be. I think about all the cute clothes and happy giggles. I think about going to the beach for baby's first time (and in that daydream I'm the skinniest and most fit I have ever been and people come up to me and say "you just had a baby?!"...hey, it's a dayDREAM.) I think about birthday parties and cupcakes I'll bake for school. Snacks and lunches I'll pack...homework I'll help with and dance recitals/sports events I'll go to and be the loudest cheerleader there! I think about slip-n-slides in the backyard and trips to Disney World (where the entire family will wear Mickey Mouse ears...as long it looks cute with my hair). I think about hearing "mommy, I love you" and I think about bedtime stories and checking for monsters. And I think about the love. Now, there are those that would think I'm nuts, but I know most of you can understand...I LOVE MY DOG. We're pretty over the moon for him. We kiss him and hug him and take cuddly naps with him (I often wonder if he wasn't soo cute or soft if we'd love him this much...). He's the only "baby" we've known. We tuck him in at night (he prefers to sleep in his crate...he "gets" that it's bedtime when he's in there) and make sure he has a "friend" to sleep with. His stuffed animals have names and sometimes he's the cutest thing on the planet. I think about this love and I know that I will always love him...but I am about to know something different, a different kind of deep love. Different from what I feel for Josh, different from what I feel for my family and friends (even different from what I feel for JT-aka Justin Timberlake). And I'm happy. In the back of my mind I really believe this thing is meant to be, it's time and we're the chosen parents for this baby...yes I fret, but I think it's because I think that if I don't and I'm too confident that something might happen (though I truly don't believe the universe works that way).
So just like the cheer that we did when I was 10 and cheering for Don's Music City (red and white uniforms) "I'm so enthusiastic, I'm H-A-P-P-Y!" I am. I'm just also still in a state of shock. So I will try, I will try to fret less and show the happiness more.
PS-Wish me luck, Josh has a "mock trial" tomorrow that takes the place of his final. I'm the defendant and we're doing the trial in a real courthouse and everything! I'll have to be cross-examined...there will be objections and overrulings and everything! I must say I'm a bit nervous, but excited at the same time...because y'all, this could be my big break. I could be discovered as the next "it girl" actress...of course if they give me my own show in the next few months they'll have to hide my belly behind shopping bags and chairs and oversized coats. But they would do that for a talent like mine. I'll let you know how it goes (unless I'm convicted and carted off to jail...in which case Josh will contact you for bail money).

1 comment:

Stacy said...

I love you - chears, fears and tears.